My biggest fear.

I really hope that I don't forget to pack my toothbrush.

As embarrassing as this is, I have actually forgotten to bring a toothbrush once. Or maybe twice. Okay, I have probably gone without a toothbrush for at least three weekends.** I know, I'm hopelessly scatterbrained, now quit badgering me.

That reminds me of when I was still working with this great organization called Thiếu Nhi Thánh Thể a few years back and I was a counselor for the annual camping trip one summer. Basically, my job was to be the mother hen for a group of campers, ranging from 6 to 16 years old, by making sure that they were all well and hydrated and also to guide the older kids on how to be a leader for the younger ones. The fact that I was a counselor kind of made it forgivable for me to forget my toothbrush because I was in a position of power and the kids had to talk to me whether they liked it or not anyway. Not that they didn't want to talk to me of course, I was a lovable counselor. I also managed to scrounge up some mouthwash which may have helped.

Anyway, I remember that in my group was a little boy that I'm going to call Kay. Now, at that time, Kay was 6 and a half years old, had a round shaved head and a round body to match, and he really liked chasing butterflies. In other words, he was completely adorable. He was also the youngest and (naturally) the slowest out of all the kids in that group. His marginalized position as the burden also made him vulnerable to being bullied and so I took him as my responsibility that weekend. I gave him piggy back rides when his feet hurt too much, I held his hand when he was scared at night, and I even carried him to the bathroom once when he told me that he wouldn't be able to make it if he had to walk. When three days and two nights had finally passed and it was time to say goodbye, he ran towards me, threw his arms around my legs, and as he hugged my knees he said to me, "I'll miss you, Chị Hiền" (older sister Hien).

Oh dear. My heart started to melt all over the place in messy pools. Especially when I knelt down and hugged him back, completely speechless.

To be honest, I actually loathed the annual summer camp. The entire camp was set up as a competition so I have seen the nastier side of far too many people over the years at this specific event. By the end, I was also always covered in dust, my hair was a mangled mat of grease mixed with dirt, and all I smelled were the honey buckets that we were forced to use. On top of that, I forgot to pack my toothbrush that particular weekend and so I felt even more disgusting than usual. However, when Kay hugged me before he ran off to his mom that Sunday afternoon, none of that mattered anymore. All of my issues, the things that had bothered me, and my stress from that weekend immediately dissolved when I realized that my being there, even in that gross state that I was in, helped Kay feel safe and have fun that weekend.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.

During my pre-departure orientation with IPE (the International Programs and Exchanges office at the University of Washington), the presenter told us that we will, at some point or another, experience culture shock and be under a lot of stress. To make matters worse, some things that we may use to relieve stress may not be available to us in our study abroad location! For example, I occasionally slip on my sauconys and go out for a run to gasworks when I feel a little on edge or I go out and get a beautiful greasy burger with fries when the day has been hard on me. However, running through the city is generally not acceptable because someone is going to stop me and ask from what am I running.

Besides drowning my sorrows in gelato as everyone has suggested that I do, how else can I deal with stress? I love babies so should I borrow a baby from a friendly looking couple? Or should I go to the market and buy a bouquet of flowers whenever I feel down? Will that even be enough? The reason that I'm asking myself these questions is that I know the start of this trip will be something comparable to the challenge of the high dive when I actually don't know how to swim. I don't know how the water is going to treat me. How cold is it and how much of a shock will I be in? Will I be in vertigo when I break through the surface? Can I and will I recover? Is my lifeguard paying attention?

How am I going to handle the water?

-hd

**Some of you may not believe this next statement but I have excellent oral hygiene... when I remember to pack everything, of course. Yes, I actually enjoy flossing and gargling with listerine and I have only had one miniscule cavity since all my adult teeth have grown in, thankyouverymuch.